Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 0: Adieu Angleterre

Wow. What a trip. I left Haiti knowing I'd likely need time to process, consciously or not, what the experience meant for me. I did, and I do, but now, being here for three weeks, it feels as if this experience, in some respects, has been just as intense and beautiful and challenging. It has nothing to do with England itself, unlike Haiti. It has everything to do with the relationships I have with people here. This, more than even Haiti, has been a lesson in intimacy. In many ways, I feel I'm very capable in that area, but this has been something of a wake-up call. Again, I can't go into details, which makes me question whether this post is in fact pointless, but I'm feeling it right now. Intensely. I just said goodbye to someone I got very, very close to here in Oxford. I'm in limbo now - unsure whether I'm going down to London to see another person I'm very close to, or whether I'm staying here and taking a bus to Gatwick tomorrow. I've almost hit a point where the feelings have gotten so intense they've burned out. It isn't numbness. I feel. It's more akin to resignation - the situation, by the nature of the thing, is going to be painful in moments. Accept it. Do everything you can to avoid hurting people any more than is unavoidable. Press on. Be honest. Always be honest. It's scary. Honesty can be terrifying. But you'll always know that you don't have anything to hide, and that others know where you stand. That's worth it.

See you tomorrow NYC. And we continue...

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