Day 187: 2010 Remembered

2010, you were a hell of a year you know that? It's going to take me a lot longer than this simple blog post to process and absorb all of what you gave me. Adventure, fear, desire, disappointment, hope, purpose, friendship, love - those words are all common to hear, and I'd be willing to bet just about everyone experiences near all of them throughout the course of spending a year on this planet as a human being. The same applies for me. The difference last year, for me anyhow, is the intensity of their manifestation.

Last year floored me in many ways. At the beginning of the year - February - I walked away from the best relationship I've ever had because I knew I wasn't ready to give up trying to begin this kind of work, and I knew I couldn't be to her what she deserved if I were to take off and do it, which I did. Ironically, in coming here I met another woman who sparked a real desire in me, but had to step back from her as well, for the same reason. 2010 certainly taught me that, despite the protests of the romantic in me, timing is important in matters of the heart. I don't like it, but I'm coming to learn to accept it.

Getting to Haiti, I had a reality check unlike any I've ever experienced before. The overwhelming brokenness of this country is hard to make tangible until you can be here, meet the people, see their lives, and see what they're up against. And yet, more than even the overwhelm around their troubles, the Haitians themselves - many of them my friends now - are what truly caught me unexpected. They're no different than any of us - smart, capable, funny, sensitive and imperfect - but they have a strength to them I find unique. I suppose you have to have it to stay sane in a place like Haiti. 2010 tested the will of the Haitian people. Jan. 12th was the earthquake. Over a quarter million Haitians died, and the capital city of Port-au-Prince was shattered. The months that followed saw the growing frustration with aid efforts, as NGOs worked slowly and only a tiny percentage of the tens of billions of dollars pledged for reconstruction efforts actually got through the system. Cholera hit Haiti in October, followed by Hurricane Tomas, which worsened the outbreak, eventually resulting in a full-fledged epidemic. Over 3000 Haitians have died of the disease, and over 150,000 confirmed cases exist. Every region of Haiti has it, and it is now confirmed that all regions of the Dominican Republic do as well. In November, the country had its third ever democratic elections, which proved to be anything but. The announcement that Jude Celestin, a government backed technocrat, had edged out popular candidate Michel "Sweet Micky" Martelly through the country into a multi-day protest that shut down most of the roads, closed the airport, and sparked violence. Worse still was the reminder that their government wasn't something Haitians could depend on. The sentiment is echoed everywhere - "We need a leader."

Unfinished entry.

Day 183: Moto Fun

Day 182 - Videos From A Day Of BSF Assessments

Great day today, went out into the rural community of Masson, outside of Leogane, where School 3 is (which All Hands built). Before they left Haiti, Leslie and Jessica ran a community meeting out there introducing interested people to biosand filters (the school has them already) and getting names of anyone wanting to do a follow-up in-home assessment to see if a biosand filter could be a good fit for them. So today, I headed out there with a small team and did just that. Really cool to spend the day there (so beautiful) and get to meet the people. I'll write more later I'm sure, but for now, some videos will have to suffice. I'm tired.









Clearly, Haitian children continue to be a weakness for me. Can't... resist...

Day 180: All Hands Christmas

Day 180: ...

Yep. Life, you have a pretty fucked up sense of humor you know that? 6:21 AM. In the hammock. The mosquitoes are circling. Everything is basically the same as it always is when I'm up at this hour, except me. My mind is both quiet, and searching. Plans have changed. London isn't happening any more. Despite the abundance of real love for one another, there's no solution either of us can come to to make it have a chance. Not now. Timing won this time. Fuck you reality. My heart's a bit broken, and this is definitely going to be a boomerang - right now it's out there somewhere. We just threw it. I understand it in my head, but it hasn't come back yet to be caught and held. The reality of it. When it does, I'm sure it'll hurt. All part of it. Still worth it. Wouldn't change getting close to her for anything. Going to miss her. A lot.

So what then? Jan. 17th I get on a plane to New York City. My friend Elana is picking me up at the airport and I'll spend a night with her and her family on Long Island. That will be nice. She's a wonderful girl and her family rocks. Then it's a blank canvass for me. I won't stay in New York. I have some money in the bank, and I told myself I wanted to be out there, doing this. I'll continue. I'm thinking I'll head to Los Angeles to be with my family and Mike for a bit, maybe pitstop in North Carolina and Arkansas along the way to see friends, then connect with my godfather, who runs the Mexico Marine Program for the World Wildlife Fund. He's based down in La Paz. Maybe spend a few months with him, learning what his job is all about, then head out on my own again, down into South America, or maybe Southeast Asia. Africa. Fuck. I don't know. Find something online that interests me and allows me to continue to grow in this kind of work. Location isn't a big factor, unless I choose to start my own mini-project building biosand filters. If I do that, it'll be in Latin America. I need to be able to communicate.

Yea. These six months have been every bit as big and beautiful and challenging as I'd hoped they'd be. They've changed who I am. I spoke to my brother a few weeks ago - the person who knows me better than anyone in the world - and in the middle of what felt to me like a regular conversation he stopped. "Damn Quinn." "What?" "You've grown up."

That's step one. Step two: do something with it.